Marriage:Bigger Than the 'I do's..

Lemuel Irabor

By Lemuel Irabor
Contact: lemuelirabor@yahoo.com
Blog: lemuelirabor.wordpress.com


  

“Peter,Do you take Jacintha as your lawfully-wedded wife to love,cherish and protect till death do you part?”
    —a church wedding scene

  People have various views on marriage.To some,it is a joyful union with the one person that completes them.To others,it is a fulfillment of societal obligation.To a few,marriage is simply a coming-of-age event.
  However marriage is viewed,nothing changes the fact that it is a life-changing,memorable event.In fact,marriage,in many climes,seems to be the only instance where things are left to one's own will and volition.

“One doesn't choose the day one is born,
One doesn't naturally choose the day one dies,
But one could choose the day one gets married..”

This does not mean that forced or arranged marriages do not occur.However,in the developing world,this practice is fast going into antiquity.
Young men and women these days are implored to get married to the ones they love.
And marriage is the only rite that cuts across all religions and races,pointing to a common human origin.

“Marriage is a union between a man and a woman,physically consummated and made perfect in love.”

Although the liberal 21st century has brought with it conjugal practices like gay marriage,bestial unions and marriage to objects and sex automatons,we must remember that marriage is a course of nature and a means to ensure the continuation of the human race.As such,practices as listed above,which point to the contrary should be duly proscribed and condemned.

○Why should I marry?Is marriage that important and compulsory?

  In a bid to further understand the importance of the concept of a conjugal union,I had a word with Pedro ,a South-American mogul.
Pedro has been married for years and had so much to say about his experience.

Read the full interview below..

NB: This material is Copyright Protected.

Lemuel Irabor

Good day,Pedro and thank you for coming.Briefly,tell us something about yourself.

Pedro P.  :I am an adult person.I studied Business Administration.I have a Master's degree in Finance and I own some small investments that allow me to have some economic and financial independence.

First,tell us:How did you meet your wife?

Pedro P.  :I met her while studying and  then we met again later in life.

So,your marriage was arranged?

Pedro P.  :No.That model of arranged  marriages is not common on this side of the Western South Hemisphere.
   However, personally, I think that arranged marriages go against human nature..against the individual freedom of people to decide their own way and destiny.

Did/Does your family approve of your union?If Yes,would you care if they didn't?

Pedro P.  :Since arranged marriages here are not common,no approval is required.Although,traditionally it may exist;it is not necessary.People are free to decide with whom to marry or not to marry.There is no obligation or family approval.

How long did you know each other before getting married?Was there any courtship?

Pedro P.  :We knew each other for a few  months when we were studying..
Obviously we went through a period of falling in love and courtship..
(Pedro looks into the distance and smiles,obviously reminiscing)
During this stage,we met each other,exchanged ways of thinking and expectations—it was a stage of knowledge. If you feel the desire to share your life with someone,the least you can do is to know the other person and know what she or he wants.
More than benefits,there are challenges.However, no one is born knowing things.One must learn them on the way.The important thing is that there is true love,that is,there is desire,respect,admiration and mutual trust,an enriching relationship,that the sacrifices are fruitful and that there is a high level of expectation that means mutual growth.

OK.Briefly,tell us what married life is like.Are there any perks or challenges?

Pedro P.  :Married life is enriching when there is mutual love and interest.There are always new things to discover and learn. Obviously,there are disagreements and differences,and it is good to have them in a context of freedom.
     The worst mistake that people in marriages make is to believe that doing so makes them the owners of the other person. That is fatal. Nobody owns anyone.And having that clear,one can talk and exchange ideas that mutually benefit the couple.To argue does not mean to fight,but to exchange ideas and that must always happen.
    One does not marry a piece of furniture or an object.One marries a person,a human being who has his own thoughts and ways of thinking.One must know how to add up the differences,and one also has to be honest and humble to recognize when the other person is right.

Have you two ever disagreed/quarrelled?How do you settle?

Pedro P.  : Disagreements always arise.
As I  said,having an arguement or disagreement is not to quarrel.Disagreements serve to make decisions of mutual consensus,not to impose ideas or to impose behaviors.
    It is about knowing how to understand the other person and knowing how to recognize the valuable aspects of opinions contrary or different from ours.

Did you marry for love?Was there any other incentive?

Pedro P.  : (chuckles)
I married more than just for love—I married with love. Most people think that things have to be done for love, as if love were a goal to achieve.The truth is, you have to do things with love,and to do them with love you must know how to love.
   Unfortunately many people do not know how to love because they may not have learned to do that well.No one is born knowing how to love, love is a learned feeling,some know how to love well,others love badly and others do not know how to love.As I say, true love is so difficult to find that most people are content to be 'badly-loved'.
And to know how to love another person, one must know how to love oneself and for that one has to love oneself, to know oneself and to understand oneself. In other societies,marriage is seen as a business,as a way to earn a living or as a way to access other social levels.All those forms are contrary to love.

I see..(smiling brightly)If your spouse were reading this now,what would you like her to know?

Pedro P. : (grins)
She knows what I think and she will not find out anything new from me through this interview.
However,I would tell her that I love her and that I have the desire and the will to love her always and that I am in love with her.

All right!..(Pedro and I laugh together)
What would you change if you could go back in time?Any regrets?

Lemuel Irabor

Pedro P.  :It is not possible for now to turn back time. However,I think it's never too late to change things that are not right in oneself.For example,before I met my darling wife, I smoked a lot.But I understood that it was not giving me any benefit and I stopped smoking and I do not do it any more.If someone wants to change something in himself,it is not necessary to turn back the time.
Simply change it now.
Start doing it now.
      Do not look back regretting that you did not have time to change one thing or the other.However,people are resistant to change.Maybe based on their fears.
Again,that is simply a lack of self-love.

To conclude,any parting words?Advice to the unmarried?

Pedro P. :These tips go for men and women alike:

>The best advice I can give you is to study.Use your energy and youth to study.

>However, I would also advise you to own your own destiny.Never let anyone control your lives.Do not let them put limits on what you can achieve.

>Do not limit your abilities by GETTING MARRIED SO YOUNG!Take time to get to know yourselves and study each other.

>Achieve your personal development goals.

>If you can,travel outside your countries.Know other realities and learn all the good and discard all those basic and primitive ideas that are often taught in childhood.
The world is huge, there are many different cultures from which we can always learn positive things.

>Do not forget to do things with love and respect the freedom of all people.

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story with us.We hope to have you here some other time..

Pedro P. :Thank you so much for having me,Lemuel.I'm honoured.And yes,I would love to be here again some other time.
Keep up the good work!


PEDRO is from Peru.

Lemuel Irabor

Author's Note:

No matter the trouble you're going through in your marriage,divorce is NOT the answer.
Seek counselling.

Try betterhelp.com


©2017 Lemuel Irabor


PS:You can contact me if you need help with writing essays,articles,speeches,news,debates or stories.
I'm just what you need.

Pedro_P

As the late argentine writer Roberto Fontanarrosa said: That of "until death do you part" is an incitement to murder...
There is no such thing as an obligation to love... Love can never be an obligation or a commandment... Love is, in the essence of its nature, free... Forcing someone to love, to stay with someone for whom does not feel any love, is a fatality... Divorce is not a solution for failed marriages, it is simply an end point.
There is nothing more pathetic than living in failure. Living a failed marriage is worse. If there is no love, it is best to divorce. It is not healthy to be with someone who does not feel love for you. If you do not have self-love, you will probably accept a life that will not lead you anywhere.
Love is: giving wings for the other person to fly and at the same time give reasons for the other person to stay with you... That is the freedom of love. True love is free.