A letter from daughter to mother

mahima2701

“Where did you keep the sweets, Vicky?” Savitriji shouted from the second floor balcony.

“Had kept it on the table only, Mumma!” Vicky replied back loudly as he kick-started his bike on the ground floor.

“Arre I can’t find them...arre wait!!!” Savitriji shouted back in futility, as Vicky drove his bike away.

“Look at this boy! Already hooked to meeting his fiancé. Post marriage toh, he will forget me only!” Savitriji scoffed.

“Are you listening to yourself, Maa? You sound like a crazy MIL, already!” Aparna said.

“Arre Apu, you don’t know beta. Sharma aunty was telling me...her DIL is a handful. It is because Sharma aunty ignored everything at first and now she is facing a tough time with her DIL...! God knows what will happen to me. I being a single parent, am so worried of being left out...Vicky won’t forget me, will he?” She asked Aparna in a broken voice.

Aparna felt bad for her mother.

She knew her mother was talking non-sense but she got where she was coming from.

“Here, I found the sweets...happy?” Aparna said to distract & cheer up her mother with a hug.

Later that evening, she thought about her mother’s statements. She had to do something before all of these thoughts consumed her mother’s life for worse.

Next morning, as Savitriji woke up to do her daily puja, she found an envelope in their temple.

“Dear Maa,

I am married now.

I am somebody’s wife.

I am somebody’s sister-in-law.

And I am somebody’s daughter-in-law.

But I wil always remain Your Daughter.

I miss you beyond words.

Call me selfish, but I now understand & appreciate all that you have done for me since birth, now that I am in an environment wherein there is less of pampering and more of responsibility.

I love my new family just as much as they love me, but understanding and accepting each other as we are - that takes time.

Come to think of it, I spent all of my teenage years fighting with & arguing with you, believing that you never understand me; You, who knows me 9 months more than anybody else in the world!

And now that I think about all those times when I felt estranged in my own family, I wonder how long it will take for my new family to understand & accept me completely. I feel scared & I feel lonely many a times. These are the times I selfishly miss you the most, Maa.

Now, amidst all of the post-marriage fanfare, I feel like there is always a limelight hovering over me.

Everyone seems to be scrutinising the way I talk, the way I eat, the way I stand, the way I breathe. It makes me so tense! I am sure everyone means well and is just curious to get to know me, but I do feel like I am being told what to do & how to do things, everyday. Having been raised with love and freedom under your nurturing, I developed a strong personality, a stable lifestyle & some solid preferences of living. It is very difficult to adapt to newer ones now, but such is my pain.

I steal some me-time every now and then, away from all eyes, just to go sit in my room and do nothing, like absolutely nothing, or perhaps read or watch some sitcom, like I used to, in the days of bachelorhood. It makes me feel reconnected to the old me and to you, that way.

You must wonder why I am writing about all this after so many years of marriage, right?

I am writing because just in a few more days, my younger brother is about to get married and another daughter will be stepping into our lives.

So I want you to know how the new bride, a daughter to someone, will probably feel.

I know you and hence can say this with surety that my to-be-sister-in-law couldn’t have had better luck in the MIL department.

But then again, my married SIL can say the same about her mother, and God knows, we have had our share of differences.

I want you to know this - your DIL will love you, but you will always be her MIL, not her mother. Please don’t let Bollywood notions blind you into sky-high expectations from the new girl. She will adjust and accept with time, not overnight.

Please accept the way she cooks, if she chooses to, instead of droning around her. Also, please refrain from putting all of the family-responsibilities on her tender shoulder. I am not saying that you shouldn’t guide or help her, but make it a point to end your involvement after having done your part.

She may not agree with you at times and you may not like her ways at times. So instead of keeping it as a slick conversation to be done with Sharma aunty later, I request you to be upfront, politely, with her since the very beginning.

She is not here to take your position. So she will not replicate everything you do. Her daily chores may differ from yours (it’s okay if she doesn’t follow your religious beliefs either; trust me Bhagwan ko bura nahi lagega!) and there is nothing wrong with that.

She has lived a good number of years independently, so if anything, give her time to accept you in her life.

Also, if you could, please never bring up my name for the sake of comparison. I wish to have a good bond with her and, though you may not get it but, your unintentional statements of high praise for me may make her end up resenting me.

Lastly, Maa, this world has over 7 billion people, all unique in their own way. So as far as comparisons go, please don’t compare her to anybody else, especially to Sharmaji’s DIL too. For all you know, Sharmaji likes yours better than hers!

Never make Vicky choose between you and her. There is no worse feeling for a girl than this...Don’t take this the wrong way, Maa...Vicky will always respect you but you have to allow him to make room in his heart for his wife now.

All I am trying to say is this - early life after marriage is hard for a girl. I know it because I have passed through it.

Think of all the times your daughter felt a knot in her stomach, trying to adjust in a new environment. So please, be the sweet mother that you are, instead of becoming an undesirable MIL, and trust me you will laugh with & love her more than ever.

Long and short of it - Congratulations and All The Best, Maa! You are heading for the toughest promotion of your life. You are going to be a MIL!

Try not to suck at it